Style ≠ Fashion

No. 85

Welcome to Style / Substance, a newsletter about personal style, confidence, and the psychology of style/fashion. We’re all about making your life easier and ensuring you present your best self.

If you enjoy this week’s post, please tap the ❤️ — I appreciate you!

“Style is not the same thing as fashion.”

This line seemed to resonate with the audience at my TEDx talk on “The Power of Style” nearly two weeks ago. From my POV on stage, I couldn’t see faces, but I did see a lot of head nods.

It’s been my mission for the past seven years as an entrepreneur and someone trusted to be invited into hundreds of sessions in people’s closets, arguably one of the most intimate places in someone’s life, to help them get crystal clear on their style.

Not as it’s been defined by their past, or the influence of media and consumption, or who they think they’re supposed to be, but it doesn’t feel quite right. Instead, it’s been about helping them reduce the noise, get intentional, and laser in on what works for their preferences, body, budget, and lifestyle. And taking all of this together to ensure that it supports them as they read the different rooms they walk into daily.

Style is about who you are at your core.

In my talk, on this point, I further articulated that every single one of us has style — because we all do have to get dressed. This is why it’s not the same thing as fashion.

Fashion can be a frightening word and concept for more people than you may realize. Maybe you’re one of the many who are intimidated by it. The very idea of fashion feels distant. Or fashion feels fun to you. Either way, style comes down to who you are now and an expression of your gender, religious, cultural, and personal beliefs. I was told a lot of men were nodding their heads in the audience… which is always great to hear because style isn’t just for those of us who identify as women.

“Laura was wonderful! I laughed, I connected, I saw myself in her incredible presentation!! I then complimented as many people as possible because I wanted to pass on the positive energy she started on stage! BRAVO”

-Indigo Sams, COCA

TEDx talk takeaways

For the past three years, I auditioned for TEDx St. Louis. It’s a competitive process.

This year, I heard there were 400 submissions. From that, they take 30 people for a live 3-minute audition. Five people are selected. I tell you this because giving a TEDx talk is a major milestone for me, and it takes time to achieve anything good in life. As a woman, an entrepreneur, a stylist, a psychology graduate student, and a professional speaker — this matters a lot to me. So I put in three years of trying, reflecting, improving, editing, and trying again, even after getting turned away twice. It’s sweeter when you get the chance after this kind of persistence.

Here’s what I learned:

• I love public speaking — the moment I walked out on the stage, turned to the right, and waved at my family, friends, and community, I immediately felt this energy surge from the audience. And I thought to myself, this is exactly where I want to be. That’s a validating feeling. It’s electric. Public speaking isn’t for everyone, but when you find something that brings you extreme joy, run toward it, not away, even if it’s scary.

• The good stuff comes from grit, patience, and perseverance — the topic ideation and grueling editing process reminded me of this. It’s important that we put ourselves in controlled, uncomfortable positions in life. This is where the growth magic comes from. It sounds cliche, and it is because it’s the truth. This is one of the hardest things I’ve done in a while, and in hindsight, I’m glad it was a challenge.

• It only looks easy — confidence and ease come from relentless practice and clarity, not winging it. TED requires that you memorize your talk with no teleprompter or monitor. I built a deeper layer of trust in myself, and my confidence has grown tenfold. Throughout the three-month prep process, I kept a post-it note on my desk that read: “To be confident, you must prepare. Rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. Every day.”

• The village shows up when you show up — from my TEDx speaking coach to their incredible all-volunteer staff, to Mark, the women I aspire to be in life who welcome me into their worlds and edit and edit and drill in me that I know this stuff like the back of my hand (you know who you are), to my best friend for flying in with her mom, my in-laws, and my incredible friends and clients who brought their friends, spouses, and clients. To the inspiring leaders and entrepreneurs in STL who make this ecosystem thrive, the magic of this city and our circles are real. Thank you for showing up for me.

Photo from Ruth Kim’s LinkedIn post.

Here’s what I wore:

Given that this was a talk about style, everyone I spoke to leading into it asked, “What are you going to wear?” Knowing that the content, as much as my genuine passion and joy for the topic, would be viewed as much as what I was wearing, I did, of course, think about this look with a lot of intention.

And the powder blue power suit got a lot of love, and I’m glad it inspired enthusiasm. I knew immediately that I wanted to wear a suit. For all of us, suiting is a universal sartorial choice. We can all make sense of it. The fit was slightly oversized in the double-breasted jacket, which felt modern and relevant, as did the wide-leg trousers. It was meant to be worn tailored but not tight. I wanted to call out the outfit less than I wanted the words to resonate. The blue color choice is because it’s a color that works for me, and it shows up well on camera (TEDx cares about this, understandably).

My glasses were built into the talk, so it was important that I wore them. Plus, I wear them about 50% of the time, so it was very much me wearing them on stage.

This look also took something very important into consideration, and that is approachability. This is something I think about often. Given the notes above on style not being the same thing as fashion and fashion being intimidating, it’s often that when I tell people that I’m a stylist, they get a little nervous around me. But I’m a person, just like the rest of us, who works hard, aims to enjoy life and feel good when I get dressed every day, who happens to have the gift of a job that helps others achieve this. My shared messages would have been lost if I had worn something farfetched. How you show up matters.

A little BTS, here is a photo from the green room as all five of us speakers arrived earlier in the day. Our rainbow of blazers were ready to help us shine on stage. I love this image!

Last two points:

• The TEDx talk video takes a few months for editing and submission. So as soon as it’s out, it will definitely be shared. It’s a privilege to share my research, work, and mission with you and I’m grateful you’re interested in listening.

• I'm currently booking speaking engagements for 2025 and would love to learn more about your upcoming event or group. If you're an organizer, ERG or association leader, or know someone who could benefit from insights on style psychology, confidence, presence, and influence as powerful tools for professional development and inspiration, let's connect. I’d love to discuss how I can bring value to your audience! More info on speaking here.

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Closet Editing Season

Taking bookings now through October.

It’s closet edit season! May not feel like it since summer seems to be lingering here in St. Louis, but I know a lot of folks who are itching for a chill in the air, meaning breaking out boots and knitwear. In some places where my clients live, they’re intermittently layering scarves and sweaters (up in the mountains), while in other places, their amortization on linen sets is paying off (Florida).

Scheduling wardrobe edits now through October. Reply here, text me, or view the menu here.

Posting this pic because it’s from a recent closet edit with a client (we had a great laugh about it, and she approved the post) who I just had a Zoom touch base with this morning regarding her virtual closet app and September shopping updates… and she mentioned how she “didn’t fully appreciate how effective the virtual closet is for daily styling ideas and makes getting dressed everyday very efficient.” The virtual closet app allows you to scroll your closet, not Instagram, when you’re in a pinch every morning.

Also sharing because this necklace is a 90s throwback gem from my client's closet, and it’s too good not to share. While it won’t be styled in her rotation, it gets a small place in the novelty box. What’s hiding in your closet?

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SHOP Friends & Family Sale’s… for a limited time.

For one thing, I hope these sale edits and the subsequent style photo vignettes help continue painting a broader picture of the vast range of clientele that I work with. No two styles are exactly alike, nor do I dress clients just like me or each other. Secondly, I hope you are receiving some clarity about buying something within the context of wearing it as a full outfit and imagining how you’d intentionally incorporate it into your own wardrobe.

This is a way for me to help you sift through the noise of overwhelming options and also paint a picture for a curated closet. Enjoy the edits!

Banana Republic

There are some classic cuts and basics from BR that I love for this fall (and beyond). I bought the bomber jacket — planning to wear it styled with a slip skirt as shown below and for my flights to NYC, some of the silver jewelry — normally I wear yellow gold, but I wanted to incorporate a cooler metal into my closet + I love a corded necklace, and the grey matching set — I’m a sucker for sets, they’re the most versatile.

BR has been doing strong wardrobe basics with a hit of modernism in the past few seasons. Here’s an assortment of styling from their F&F sale - it’s 40% off on most full-priced items until September 26. Cashmere is not included, FYI (darn it!).

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Tuckernuck

I always seem to get pulled back to Tuckernuck for a wide range of clients. Whether it’s the perfect pair of jeans or a classic top, the retailer does lean into New England prep quite well, but they also seem to provide strong basics for a wider range of style archetypes. And I am pleasantly delighted with the price point of their in-house eponymous brand.

They’re running a tiered promotion until tomorrow night (Thu. 9/19), starting at 20% off $250, with an incremental increase in discount % as order total rises. There are exclusions, so be sure to note the items included. All of these looks below, plus a bunch more styles, are included in my Tnuck edit at the link button. Don’t forget to use code FRIENDS when checking out.

BTW… these tall black boots are 1/3 the price of Stuart Weitzman 50/50s; they’re waterproof and look almost identical. Made by Blondo… I have Chelsea boots from them that I have practically lived in every winter for the past three years. Meaning they’re good quality for the price.

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Weekend Notes

ICYMI, I am sharing miscellaneous products that I bought and love or that I’ve recommended to clients and they’re loving.

Below is last weekend’s feature. This coming Saturday will include “underneath it all” items — my favorite comfy bra, shapewear that doesn’t make you want to pass out, and luxe socks for boots.