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"Feeling seen is core to feeling loved."
Adam Grant shared this at the end of one of his posts on Instagram this morning. I couldn't agree more.
Growing up, I was taught to shrink, be ladylike, be quiet. I know women who were taught similar behaviors and told similar stories. Be strong was my other narrative. They're conflicting. How can you be powerful and also invisible? This is the predicament.
This function of being seen or seeing someone is a thought I visit frequently. Allowing myself to be seen is necessary. In fact, seeing me before anyone else is the most essential form of self-love. The same goes for you. And sometimes, it takes observing the gestures of others to prioritize it for yourself.
I'm much better at seeing others than allowing myself to be seen. The latter may come as a surprise as my work has me increasingly visible, and I have moments where I'm not shy about sharing. What I mean by all this is not physically looking at someone or being looked at in return. We see others by being present, actively listening, expressing genuine interest, and through generosity, a gift (of thoughtful material or time), empathy, patience, compassion, awareness, etc. You can apply the same actions towards yourself. To be effective, I must give myself this agency before asking anyone else to do the same.
Since the beginning, my professional mission has always been to help one person feel great about themselves at one point in their day.
I realized more recently that I could apply this north star to myself, and I’m doing so. It takes action and introspection. What can I intentionally do to make myself feel great at one point throughout my day? Where can I pause and applaud, recognize, or sit in something? What can you do for yourself in just a small sliver of your day? How can you see yourself wholly?
Many of us are conditioned to avoid this for numerous reasons. It could be the stories, your temperament, your cultural upbringing, you had a pivotal moment that changed your life. It’s also a risk. My risk exposure was conflicting stories, among other aspects.
I often witness it in my work with clients, not just women but everyone. There are degrees of comfort and discomfort in putting yourself out there—and I don’t even mean on a mass public scale. To be noticed. To be heard. To be respected. Even the most influential people have had moments where they've feared being fully seen.
To minimize is also a psychological function of safety and protection. A common illustration of this happens when you compliment someone, and they just can't receive it fully. They may brush it off or deny the nicety. This discomfort postulates to point out how deep these feelings can run. But we change ourselves by practice, even and especially when it's tough or we fall short. Pick up, and try again and again.
Lastly, I want to pinpoint Valentine's Day as a use of a symbol. As humans, we look to symbols to quickly summarize a concept or belief. They can reflect reminders—a cause for pause. That's what a day like today does for me. It is a moment to sit with this concept around accepting being seen.
To acknowledge and appreciate who you truly are. That is what it means to be seen. It’s the act of unconditional love. You can give it to yourself today.
Happy ❤️ Day.
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🌼 Art in Bloom Preview Party
Celebrate the St. Louis Art Museum’s garden and art marquee event!
This is one of my favorite events to attend in STL. I’m biased here because I’ve been involved with the museum for six years. But the kick-off party and the entire festival weekend really do impress. Factor in that we’re over winter and ready for spring to come sooner than it will. Art in Bloom is a good reason to get out of the house at a minimum and stimulate your visual senses.
Join me at the party on leap day (Feb. 29) for a first look at the blooms. If you can’t make it, I encourage you to see the art-inspired floral designs sometime between March 1-3. Details about the entire weekend are here. The ticket link to the party is below:
This is a wonderful perspective — and such great timing to read as I am crafting a piece about aging women feeling invisible. Being seen is everything.